Lee Remick and Ross Martin in Experiment in Terror (Photo: Columbia)

By Matt Brunson

(View From The Couch is a weekly column that reviews what’s new on Blu-ray, 4K and DVD. Ratings are on a four-star scale.)

Laurence Fishburne and Drea De Matteo in Assault on Precinct 13 (Photo: Universal)

ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 (2005). A favorite of critics and cultists alike, 1976’s Assault On Precinct 13 was a nifty little “B” flick John Carpenter helmed before hitting the big time with Halloween. Propelled by an excellent music score (composed by Carpenter) and economical in its use of settings, dialogue, and character development, the film concerns itself with the members of an LA street gang who descend upon a nearly abandoned police station with the sole purpose of wiping out everyone inside. That the protagonists never learn the reason for the siege (though we do) adds to their sense of discombobulation, and the brutal death of a little girl in the early going remains one of the most disturbing (and unexpected) acts of homicide ever committed on screen. In this flashy update, there’s no little girl, no bloodthirsty street gang, and no kick-ass Carpenter score. Instead, we get a competent but entirely generic action opus in which it’s a group of rogue cops who attack the precinct in order to kill a captured crime lord whose testimony would put them behind bars. Laurence Fishburne plays the cool-under-fire kingpin, who reluctantly teams up with an honest officer (Ethan Hawke) to ensure his own survival. Bucking the trend of cinematic puritanism that Carpenter himself helped jumpstart with Halloween (in which the heroine was a virgin while her victimized friends were all sexually active), this movie switches cultural gears by allowing the nympho (Drea De Matteo) to be more heroic than the bookworm (Maria Bello); beyond that, expect no surprises from yet another needless remake.

There are no DVD extras.

Movie: ★★

Clark Gable (left) in Mutiny on the Bounty (Photos: Warner Archive)

CLARK GABLE 4-FILM COLLECTION (1935-1939). A few weeks ago, I reviewed the Warner Archive Collection’s Elizabeth Taylor 4-Film Collection (go here). Now it’s time to take a look at similar Blu-ray packages featuring Clark Gable and Gary Cooper (further down).

Mutiny on the Bounty (1935) is a splendid (if historically bogus) dramatization of the infamous 18th-century mutiny in which first officer Fletcher Christian (Gable) led a revolt against the tyrannical Captain Bligh (Charles Laughton) on the high seas. While movies like Titanic, Waterworld, and The Abyss resulted in countless articles relating the difficulties of filming on water, this was hardly a late-20th-century phenomenon, as witnessed by the legendary stories surrounding this film’s numerous mishaps: on-set skirmishes between actors, an overextended budget (easily recouped upon its successful release), destroyed film stock and sets, and countless injuries (and even one death) among crew members. None of this chaos turns up on screen, though: This is an exciting, perfectly executed production that features Gable at his most magnetic and Laughton at his most commanding. Franchot Tone is on hand as well, playing an officer whose loyalties are torn between Bligh and Christian. Nominated for eight Academy Awards, including Best Actor for Laughton, Gable, and Tone (this logjam led to the creation the following year of the supporting actor and supporting actress categories), Director (Frank Lloyd), and Screenplay, this won for Best Picture — following 1929’s The Broadway Melody and 1932’s Grand Hotel, it was the third and (to date) last movie to win the top prize but no other award.

Clark Gable and Jeanette MacDonald in San Francisco

Set in the months just before the earthquake hit in April 1906, San Francisco (1936) stars Gable as Blackie Norton, a lovable scoundrel who runs a Barbary Coast nightclub. His best friend is Tim Mullen (Spencer Tracy), a priest who loves his pal but hates his sinful behavior. Stepping into Blackie’s life is Mary Blake (Jeanette MacDonald), a singer who’s hired to perform at his club even though her talents are more suited for the local opera house. MacDonald is the weak link in this otherwise bustling film — although incredibly popular at the time, she lacks the genuine star power of her peers, and Gable has more chemistry with Tracy than he does with his leading lady. The final portion of the film, when the earthquake comes a-callin’, is truly astonishing, boasting excellent visual effects and expert rat-a-tat editing. Nominated for six Academy Awards, including Best Picture, Actor (Tracy, in what’s blatantly a supporting role), Director (W.S. Van Dyke), Assistant Director (in the fourth of the five years this short-lived category was active), and Original Story (Robert E. Hopkins), it won for Best Sound.

Clark Gable and Jean Harlow in Wife vs. Secretary

The final two films in the set may not rank among Gable’s best, but they both show off the leading man to excellent effect. Wife vs. Secretary (1936) also benefits from the presence of two terrific co-stars, but ultimately, neither Jean Harlow nor Myrna Loy can help Gable punch across this soggy material. Gable is Van Stanhope, a publisher absolutely devoted to his wife Linda (Loy) … and it shows. Nevertheless, Van spends so much time with his secretary “Whitey” (Harlow), a formidable worker without whom he would be lost, that Linda believes the nitwits around her when they gossip that Van must be having an affair. Between Linda being painted as a simpleton and all of the characters required to behave in inconsistent and irrational fashion to forward the plot, this one offers little of value. Look for James Stewart (in only his second year in film) as Whitey’s frustrated fiancé.

Clark Gable and Les Blondes in Idiot’s Delight

Idiot’s Delight (1939), meanwhile, is a watered-down version of Robert E. Sherwood’s Pulitzer Prize-winning, anti-war play, with Sherwood penning the script himself. Gable is Harry Van, a third-rate entertainer who finds himself stranded at a hotel on the Italian border just as a world war is about to break out. Fellow guests include an arms manufacturer (Edward Arnold) and a raving pacifist (Burgess Meredith), but Van is most interested in Irene (Norma Shearer), the arms dealer’s Russian mistress and a woman that Van swears is actually an all-American gal he had known years earlier in Omaha. The evils of fascism are downplayed and the word “Germans” is not uttered even once, so what’s left is basically a toothless drama further hampered by Shearer’s unbearably exaggerated performance. The best scene is also the most famous (it was included in the classic compilation film That’s Entertainment!, reviewed here): Gable’s endearing song-and-dance routine to “Puttin’ on the Ritz.”

Extras on Mutiny on the Bounty include newsreel footage of the film’s win at the Academy Awards ceremony and the 1935 live-action short Pitcairn Island Today. Extras on San Francisco include an alternate ending sequence and the 1996 TNT production Clark Gable: Tall, Dark & Handsome. Extras on Wife vs. Secretary consist of the 1936 live-action short The Public Pays and the theatrical trailer. Extras on Idiot’s Delight include an alternate ending and the 1939 cartoons It’s an Ill Wind (starring Porky Pig and Dizzy Duck) and The Good Egg.

Mutiny on the Bounty: ★★★★

San Francisco: ★★★

Wife vs. Secretary: ★★

Idiot’s Delight: ★★½

Glenn Ford in Experiment in Terror (Photo: Columbia)

EXPERIMENT IN TERROR (1962). Ross Martin is memorably menacing and Lee Remick is effectively anguished in this superlative suspenser from director Blake Edwards. Remick is Kelly Sherwood, a bank teller who, in the film’s attention-grabbing opening, is accosted in her own garage by an asthmatic individual (Martin) seeking to force her to commit a theft on his behalf. Bragging that he’s already killed twice and won’t hesitate to do so again, he tells her that if she doesn’t stealthily rob her place of employment, he will not only murder her but also her teenage sister Toby (Stefanie Powers, long before Hart to Hart). He also orders her not to contact the authorities — she does so anyway, and soon FBI agent John Ripley (Glenn Ford) is frantically trying to ascertain the mysterious assailant’s identity. Although he’s primarily known for his comedies, Edwards was quite the versatile filmmaker, and this somber crime drama, filmed in black-and-white and set in a penumbral San Francisco, was released on the heels of his sizable 1961 hit Breakfast at Tiffany’s, with its bright colors and frequent rom-com sensibilities. Martin, three years away from his signature role as Artemus Gordon on TV’s The Wild Wild West, makes for a particularly nasty villain, and Edwards accentuates his unsettling omniscience by filming him in shadows and having him pop out of the dark at regular intervals. Remick is excellent as well, playing a woman who, despite being scared out of her wits, nevertheless keeps those wits about her and never deteriorates into a panicky, shrieking victim. Remick earned a Best Actress Oscar nomination — not for this film but for the other picture she made with Edwards in 1962, Days of Wine and Roses.

The only Blu-ray extra is the theatrical trailer.

Movie: ★★★½

Gary Cooper in Sergeant York (Photos: Warner Archive)

GARY COOPER 4-FILM COLLECTION (1941-1959). This is hardly what one would consider a comprehensive overview of Cooper’s career — despite having been in the movie business for 36 years, three of the four pictures were released in the last few years of his life. On the other hand, it does offer a nice mix of genres.

The top-grossing film of 1941, Sergeant York tells the story of Alvin C. York (beautifully played by Cooper), the Tennessee pacifist who reluctantly fought in World War I and emerged a decorated hero, having at one point led the charge to capture 132 German soldiers in a single battle. This rousing saga is richly detailed in both exposition and characterization: York doesn’t even get drafted into the war until the end of the first hour, with the early portion detailing life in the Tennessee hills and York’s transformation from an ill-tempered alcoholic into a deeply religious man. Nominated for 11 Academy Awards, including Best Picture, Supporting Actor (Walter Brennan as York’s pastor), Supporting Actress (Margaret Wycherly as his mother), and Original Screenplay (John Huston and Casablanca co-scripter Howard Koch were two of the four writers), this won for Best Actor and Best Film Editing. Howard Hawks, merely one of the greatest of all directors, earned his only Oscar nomination for helming this movie, as he was ignored for his countless other gems like His Girl Friday, The Big Sleep, Rio Bravo, and many more. (At least the Academy had the sense to finally give him a career achievement award in 1975.)

Gary Cooper and Dorothy McGuire in Friendly Persuasion

The Quaker lifestyle is examined in Friendly Persuasion (1956), a sincere but broad film set during the Civil War. Cooper stars as Jess Birdwell, a Quaker living in Indiana with his strong-willed wife Eliza (Dorothy McGuire) and their three children. Despite the war that’s bumping up against their doorstep, this Quaker community doesn’t believe in violence and refuses to get involved — an exception is the Birdwells’ oldest son Josh (Anthony Perkins), who’s having trouble sorting out his own feelings regarding the taking up of arms. With the film being pulled in different directions by the source novel by Jessamyn West (a second cousin to Richard Nixon, I learned), scripter Michael Wilson’s leftist leanings (he was blacklisted by HUAC), and the conservative Hays Code, it often seems fuzzy in intent and execution, with too much broad comedy swamping the more dramatic interludes and a stance that vacillates between pro-war and anti-war. And while the theme of conquest through kindness is central to its success, those rebel raiders tamed by Eliza seem awfully nice on balance (compare them to the rebs in 1965’s Shenandoah, who more believably spend their time raping and murdering). The performances cannot be faulted, though, with Perkins excelling as the conflicted Josh. This earned six Oscar nominations, including Best Picture, Supporting Actor (Perkins), Director (William Wyler), and Adapted Screenplay (the last-named ultimately not appearing on the final ballot due to Wilson’s persona non grata status).

Gary Cooper and Audrey Hepburn in Love in the Afternoon

Like Friendly Persuasion, Love in the Afternoon (1957) and The Hanging Tree (1959) were two of the films Cooper made in the final handful of years in his life, as he would die from cancer in 1961, just six days after turning 60. All of 55 years old when he filmed Love in the Afternoon, he was deemed too old for his role by the press and the public, more so since his leading lady was 27-year-old Audrey Hepburn. In fact, writer-director Billy Wilder (in his first teaming with longtime scripting partner I.A.L. Diamond) reportedly blamed the film’s financial failure on that fact, quipping that “I got Coop the week he suddenly got old.” Nevertheless, the film mostly works due to several eccentric touches and a good-hearted performance by Maurice Chevalier. The French icon stars as Claude Chavasse, a private investigator whose forte is getting the lowdown on philandering wives and the men who attract them. His latest case involves American tycoon Frank Flannagan (Cooper), who’s notorious for his womanizing ways, Little does Claude realize that his own sheltered daughter Ariane (Hepburn), a college student and aspiring cellist, has become smitten with this worldly man. But little does Frank realize that his blasé “love ‘em and leave ‘em” attitude is about to get tested by this unschooled waif. Best running gag: the band of musicians (The Gypsies) who follow Frank everywhere.

Maria Schell and Gary Cooper in The Hanging Tree

Perhaps no other actor in Hollywood history played more flawless heroes than Cooper, which makes his character in the Western drama The Hanging Tree an interesting one. Joseph Frail is a conscientious doctor, but he has his demons, he harbors an ugly streak of possessiveness, and he has no problem making Rune (Ben Piazza), a young man he saved from the “hanging tree,” his indentured servant. Setting up residence in a Montana mining town, Frail is admired by many of the townspeople but disliked by just as many — matters come to a boil after he tends to the temporarily blinded Elizabeth Mahler (Maria Schell), the sole survivor of a stagecoach robbery, even as local redneck Frenchy (Karl Malden) repeatedly tries to ravish her. Based on the story by Western author Dorothy M. Johnson (also responsible for the short stories that became The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance and A Man Called Horse), The Hanging Tree is packed with interesting developments and complicated characters, but it’s marred by an abrupt ending. The movie marked the film debut of George C. Scott, delivering a slightly overcooked performance as a shady faith healer who despises Frail. The title track, written by Mack David and Jerry Livingston and sing by Marty Robbins, earned an Oscar nomination for Best Song.

Extras on Sergeant York include audio commentary by film historian Jeanine Basinger and a 2006 making-of featurette. Extras on Friendly Persuasion include a behind-the-scenes documentary segment from a 1955 episode of the Dave Garroway-hosted TV series Wide Wide World and the theatrical trailer. The only extra on Love in the Afternoon is the theatrical trailer; ditto on The Hanging Tree.

Sergeant York: ★★★★

Friendly Persuasion: ★★½

Love in the Afternoon: ★★★

The Hanging Tree: ★★★

Danny Glover and Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon. In-joke alert: Director Richard Donner plugged his next film in the background, but then he ended up not directing The Lost Boys (released five months after LW) after all. (Photo: Warner Bros.)

LETHAL WEAPON (1986). Lethal Weapon is rare in that it’s perhaps the only film in Hollywood history that’s inferior to all of its sequels. Yeah, I know, I know: The movie is considered an action classic and routinely pegged as one of the best “buddy cop” films, but it’s always held just marginal appeal for me — besides, compare it to the following year’s Die Hard, a superb action flick from start to finish, and its “classic” status seems even more ludicrous. Gibson is Martin Riggs, the loose-cannon cop who might really be crazy; Danny Glover is Roger Murtaugh, the stable officer who’s not thrilled to be paired with such a dangerous partner. Together, they set out to bust a drug ring comprised of Vietnam War vets. Gibson’s overblown attempts at playing crazy are good for some unintentional chuckles, as is the climactic hand-to-hand skirmish between Riggs and a steely henchman (Gary Busey). But the groundwork for the evolving relationship between the two police sergeants is believably established, and Glover exudes warmth and compassion as the good cop, good husband, and good father. An Oscar nominee for Best Sound, this was followed by three sequels, the first (1989’s Lethal Weapon 2) of which remains the best picture in the franchise (it’s the one in which Riggs beats up neo-Nazis, an ironic plot device given Gibson’s now-known prejudices).

The 4K Ultra HD + Digital Code edition contains both the original theatrical cut and an unrated version that runs several minutes longer. Extras consist of a piece on the chemistry between the leads and a salute to Lethal Weapon director Richard Donner, who passed away in 2021, age 91.

Movie: ★★½

Birth of a Notion, included in Looney Tunes Collector’s Vault: Volume 1 (Photo: Warner Archive)

LOONEY TUNES COLLECTOR’S VAULT: VOLUME 1 (1934-1963). Starting in Summer 2023 and ending in Winter 2024, the Warner Archive Collection released four Blu-ray volumes of Looney Tunes (and Merry Melodies) animated shorts, offering a total of 97 cartoons under the banner Looney Tunes Collector’s Choice. Now the outfit is back with a new line called Looney Tunes Collector’s Vault, with the first installment holding 50 ‘toons on two discs. And that’s not all, folks: Last month also saw the reissues of Looney Tunes Platinum Collection, Volumes One & Two, serving up 100 more of the 1,002 LT/MM shorts. Those two sets will be reviewed in this column soon; for now, the focus is on this Vault line. Disc 1 presents 25 cartoons that have never before been released on DVD or Blu-ray, while Disc 2 showcases 25 fan favorites. The earliest entry is 1934’s Beauty and the Beast, which bears little relation to the classic fairy tale but does earn a footnote as only the second MM cartoon made in color. The latest ‘toon on tap is 1963’s Banty Raids, starring Foghorn Leghorn. In between are efforts headlining such superstars as Bugs Bunny, Porky Pig, and Tweety, although particularly exciting for aficionados is that this set includes the debut performances by Daffy Duck (1937’s Porky’s Duck Hunt), Pepe Le Pew (1945’s Odor-able Kitty), and Speedy Gonzalez (1953’s Cat-Tails for Two, in which he looks nothing like the Speedy known to all; a redesign quickly followed). There’s a 1942 MM cartoon from Dr. Seuss (Horton Hatches the Egg), and personal favorites include 1946’s Rabbit Rhapsody (Bugs as a concert pianist), 1947’s Birth of a Notion (Daffy vs. a mad scientist patterned after Peter Lorre), 1948’s Rabbit Punch (with a boxing Bugs), and 1955’s Red Riding Hoodwinked (with Tweety and Sylvester).

There are no extras.

Collection: ★★★

Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters (Photo: Criterion)

MISHIMA: A LIFE IN FOUR CHAPTERS (1985). An intriguing figure whose filmography includes the scripts for three of Martin Scorsese’s best films (Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, and The Last Temptation of Christ) as well as his own writing-directing engagements with Affliction and First Reformed, Paul Schrader found himself tackling one of his most unique projects with Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters. Produced under the auspices of Francis Coppola and George Lucas, this takes a fictionalized look at the life of Yukio Mishima (Ken Ogata), a man who has long been considered one of Japan’s premier writers and who committed ritual suicide in 1970 following his attempt at a small-scale military coup. Crafting the script with his brother Leonard Schrader, Paul Schrader employs an episodic template to include not only modern and flashback scenes of Mishima but also dramatizations of three of his novels: The Temple of the Golden Pavilion, Kyoko’s House, and Runaway Horses, which respectively deal with themes of inferiority, sadomasochism, and fanaticism. The storylines are often overwhelmed by the sheer magnificence of the visual approach, with cinematographer John Bailey employing different color schemes for each segment of the film and Eiko Ishioka (a future Oscar winner for creating the costumes in Bram Stoker’s Dracula) contributing eye-popping set designs. The score by Philip Glass serves as an additional cherry on top.

Extras in the 4K Ultra HD + Blu-ray edition include audio commentary (from 2006) by Schrader and producer Alan Poul; a choice of two alternate English narrations, including the original one by Roy Scheider; the 1985 documentary The Strange Case of Yukio Mishima; and a 1966 interview excerpt featuring Mishima discussing writing.

Movie: ★★★½

Lee Evans and Nathan Lane in Mousehunt (Photo: Kino & Paramount)

MOUSEHUNT (1997). The third movie to be released by Steven Spielberg’s then-new studio DreamWorks Pictures (come back next week for a review of the very first flick), here’s a slapstick comedy that bests the Home Alone series when it comes to mayhem movies aimed at family audiences. Nathan Lane and Lee Evans make a wonderful (and wonderfully limber) comic team as Ernie and Lars Smuntz, dissimilar brothers who inherit a dilapidated mansion after their father (William Hickey), the owner of a string factory, finally kicks the bucket. The siblings learn that the home is of historic value and will be worth as much as ten million dollars once it’s renovated — the only thing standing between them and riches is a pesky mouse that refuses to leave the premises. This is an inspired bit of lunacy, as evidenced by the story’s inventive set-pieces (love those mousetraps!) and the all-in performances by Evans and especially Lane (his expressions alone are worthy of some titters). The movie takes the lowbrow route on occasion — one admittedly hilarious sequence involves an enormous cockroach, while another finds an eccentric exterminator (Christopher Walken) munching on a mouse turd to determine the critter’s calcium deficiency — but a furry protagonist for the kids and some sly humor for the adults make it a promising bet for all.

Extras in the 4K Ultra HD + Blu-ray edition consist of entertainment blogger audio commentary; deleted scenes; the theatrical trailer; the theatrical teaser; and trailers for other films offered on the Kino label.

Movie: ★★★

Paulo Costanzo, Breckin Meyer, Seann William Scott, and DJ Qualls in Road Trip (Photo: Kino & Paramount)

ROAD TRIP (2000). Before he fooled impressionable sorts into thinking he was a visionary artist with Joker, Todd “I’m anti-woke!” Phillips was more in his element as the writer-director of such frat-boy flicks as Old School and The Hangover Trilogy. His first feature credit came with Road Trip, which sticks in my mind for the number of promotional items I received from the studio before its release. Getting bombarded by gimmicky knickknacks for movies was standard practice back in the day, but for this one, I was sent a refrigerator magnet; a frisbee with Tom Green’s face on it, accompanied by a card reading, “Catch this”; a packaged condom (thankfully, without Tom Green’s face on it), accompanied by a card stating, “Don’t catch anything else”; a sperm donor kit, complete with plastic container and rubber glove; and (the only thing I kept) an emergency roadside case that included a set of jumper cables, a flashlight, and more. Clearly, there was more entertainment value in that assortment than in the actual movie, which finds college student Josh (Breckin Meyer) and his pals (Seann William Scott, Paulo Costanzo, and DJ Qualls) driving from Ithaca, New York, to Austin, Texas, to retrieve a videocassette he accidentally sent his long-distance girlfriend (Rachel Blanchard) of him making it with another girl (Amy Smart). Meyer and Smart are appealing, Qualls is amusing, and Scott will always be Stifler. As for Tom Green, cast as a dim-witted student named Barry Manilow, he’s spectacularly unfunny, and his presence is about as welcome as that of a brain tumor. There are a few modestly amusing bits, but one’s overall enjoyment of the film will depend on how much one appreciates such unsubtle gags as a fat cook placing French toast between his butt cheeks and then serving it to a customer, or Green tonguing a live mouse.

The 4K + Blu-ray edition offers the R-rated theatrical cut and an unrated version. Extras include a behind-the-scenes piece; deleted scenes; and the music video for Eels’ “Mr. E’s Beautiful Blues.”

Movie: ★★

Orson Welles in Chimes at Midnight (Photo: Alpine Productions)

FROM SCREEN TO STREAM

CHIMES AT MIDNIGHT (1965) / THE IMMORTAL STORY (1968). After 1941’s Citizen Kane, Welles certainly made a few more classics, but in all instances, he either had to toil at the beck and call of clueless studio heads or he had to scrape together his own financing to continue making movies. One example from the latter camp is Chimes at Midnight, which required funding from both Spanish and Swiss investors in order to get made. The result, however, was a film that many, including Welles himself, considered his best. Titled on screen as Falstaff (Chimes at Midnight), it’s a Frankenstein monster of a movie in that Welles, as scripter, pieced together bits from no less than five Shakespeare plays. With his radical stitching, Welles elevated the character of Sir John Falstaff from supporting player to leading man, and he cast himself as the portly and gregarious companion to the young Prince Hal (Keith Baxter), later to become Henry V. Criticized at the time of its release for its low budget, the film is actually enhanced by its down-and-dirty aura, and Welles’ performance is nothing short of brilliant. Veterans John Gielgud and Margaret Rutherford offer concrete support as, respectively, Henry IV and Mistress Quickly, and the lengthy battle scene remains one of the finest ever committed to celluloid.

Orson Welles in The Immortal Story (Photo: l’Office de Radio-Télévision Française)

A scathing review by the often doltish Bosley Crowther in the New York Times killed any distribution plans for Chimes at Midnight, and it was barely seen in this country. Welles therefore continued to scrap for film projects, with one such example being the French production The Immortal Story (Une histoire immortelle). This adaptation of a story by Isak Dinesen (aka Karen Blixen) wasn’t considered in most quarters to be a Welles picture (despite his participation as director, co-writer, and co-star) as much as a vehicle for French acting treasure Jeanne Moreau. Debuting as a TV movie in its Gallic homeland (the film is available in both English and French), the hour-long feature is minor but not without interest, with Welles cast as a dying man who longs to turn a popular myth involving a sailor and a woman into a real event.

Chimes at Midnight: ★★★½

The Immortal Story: ★★½

Tom Green in Freddy Got Fingered (Photo: Fox)

FREDDY GOT FINGERED (2001). To answer a question I used to get asked like clockwork every few months, the reason my rating system only goes down to one star instead of no stars is because when one is mulling over movies this wretched, why take the time to differentiate between levels of lousiness? Having said that, I must confess that every once in a while, a movie comes along that makes me want to take the zero-star plunge — a movie just like Freddy Got Fingered. Tom Green, a comedian so incompetent that he briefly made Pauly Shore and Tom Arnold look like Annie Hall-era Woody Allen by comparison, directed, co-wrote, and starred in a motion picture so abysmal it almost defies description. Green plays a 28-year-old slacker who still lives at home with his bullying dad (Rip Torn) and simpering mom (Julie Hagerty); during the course of the movie, we get to see him stroke a horse’s penis, chew through an umbilical cord and then swing the baby around like a lasso, lick the protruding bone from a friend’s broken leg, and gut a deer and wear its bloody carcass over his body. Green obviously wants us to find all this deeply offensive — that’s doubtless how he measures his success — but discerning film fans won’t find this offensive as much as simply moronic. The title, incidentally, refers to a subplot in which Green’s character falsely accuses his dad of sexually molesting his younger brother. Wow, what a great concept for a comedy; wonder why Charlie Chaplin never thought of it?

Movie: ★

John Hurt and Brad Davis in Midnight Express (Photo: Columbia)

MIDNIGHT EXPRESS (1978). Criticized for its dramatic liberties as well as its depiction of Turkey as the ultimate hell on earth, but praised for its power as an emotionally gripping drama directed for maximum impact by Alan Parker, Midnight Express relates the saga of American Billy Hayes and what happens when he attempts to smuggle hashish out of Turkey in the early 1970s. Caught at the airport moments before boarding the flight back to the United States, Hayes (played by Brad Davis in an excellent performance) is sentenced to pass the time in a prison facility where a sadistic guard (Paul Smith) rules with fear and a repugnant prisoner (Paolo Bonacelli) is only too happy to sell out his fellow inmates. Hayes’ few allies are a boisterous American (Randy Quaid), a sensitive Swede (Norbert Weisser), and a perpetually stoned Brit (John Hurt); they help him pass the time, but once it becomes clear that he won’t be released any time soon, he begins to plot his great escape. This was the first major screen credit for Oliver Stone, who adapted the book by Hayes and William Hoffer; it also provided a significant boost to the film career of composer Giorgio Moroder, whose synthesizer-heavy score would influence Hollywood movie music for at least a decade. Nominated for six Academy Awards, including Best Picture and Best Supporting Actor (Hurt), this won statues for Stone’s adapted screenplay and Moroder’s original score.

Movie: ★★★½

Salma Hayek in Tale of Tales (Photo: IFC Films)

TALE OF TALES (2016). Based on 17th-century stories by Italian wordsmith Giambattista Basile, the English-language Tale of Tales (Il racconto dei racconti) finds Gomorrah writer-director Matteo Garrone giving birth to an appropriately misshapen trio of fractured fairy tales. The first yarn finds the Queen of Longtrellis (Salma Hayek) objecting to the close bond between her son Elias (Christian Lees) and another boy (Jonah Lees) who was born at the same time under similarly supernatural circumstances; the second involves the King of Highhills (Toby Jones) showing more love and devotion toward an enormous flea (yes, flea) than to his own sheltered daughter (Bebe Cave); and the third centers on the lusty King of Strongcliff (Vincent Cassel) believing he’s wooing a young and beautiful virgin when he’s actually being duped by two elderly sisters (Hayley Carmichael and Shirley Henderson). A series of comparatively pat resolutions and an abrupt conclusion prevent this from soaring even higher — even so, there’s still much to recommend, including inspired location work (ace cinematographer Peter Suschitzky shot the movie throughout Italy, often at existing castles), eye-catching visual effects work (in addition to the enormous flea, there’s also a sea monster that’s bested by a king played by a typically anachronistic John C. Reilly), and yet another exquisite score by Oscar-winning composer Alexandre Desplat (The Grand Budapest Hotel).

Movie: ★★★


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1 Comment »

  1. Hi Matt!

    Re: Tom Green… I’m reminded of a joke from South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut: “the Canadian government has apologized for Bryan Adams on several occasions.” Sure, but what about Tom Green? I wonder what wager Drew Barrymore lost… no-one deserves *that*.

    And re: Turkish prisons… I’m reminded of a 1966 Lawrence Block novel, ‘The Thief Who Couldn’t Sleep’, (I think that’s the one) wherein protagonist Evan Tanner is rotting in a Turkish jail… where they serve him each day the most delicious rice pilaf he’s ever tasted. He understandably can’t let on that he digs it, since his captors would remove it from the menu. Once freed, he spends the rest of his life trying to find a match for it.

    And agreed about the phenomenal Jeanne Moreau — her musical endeavours were also first-rate: she sang as she spoke as she acted. Truly a natural.

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